So Long Without You
by WinterSky101
Summary: Alec was drunk when he sought Clary out, very drunk, and Clary knew before he even opened his mouth what his request would be. Magnus/Alec. Set a year after an alternate version of City of Heavenly Fire in which Magnus did not make it out of Edom.


**Fair warning: this is very sad.**

 **This all started when I was talking with a friend and I mentioned as a possible headcanon that, after either Magnus or Alec dies, the other asks Clary to use the rune that makes people see who they love the most so they could see the one who died again. Then I started writing it, and I made myself sad.**

 **This takes place after a slightly alternate version of City of Heavenly Fire, in which Simon didn't offer his life up to Asmodeus and thus Magnus died instead.**

 **The title comes from a quote I found: "The days seem so long without you, but were too short when we were together." I can't find a source for it; if anyone knows, please let me know!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own TMI.**

* * *

Alec was drunk when he sought Clary out, very drunk, and Clary knew before he even opened his mouth what his request would be.

It had been exactly a year since they'd killed Sebastian - Jonathan - and they'd found themselves trapped in Edom. It had been exactly a year since Magnus had been forced to call on his father Asmodeus to help them leave.

It had been exactly a year since Magnus had traded his life for their safe return.

Alec had wanted to remain in Edom with him, despite Magnus' protests that there wouldn't be anything of him left, but Jace and Isabelle had grabbed him when Asmodeus sent them back to Idris, dragging him away from Magnus as he screamed for them to let him go. Magnus had been crying, silent tears escaping from his cat-like eyes as he mouthed a final "I love you" to Alec before they'd disappeared.

Clary had silently wondered a few times if it would have been kinder for them to have just left Alec in Edom with Magnus, like he'd wanted. Something inside him had died at the same time that Magnus did. Clary was fairly certain that the short, tantalizingly sweet hope of rekindling his relationship with Magnus being crushed so horribly was more than Alec could bear. She still remembered how she'd felt when Valentine killed Jace, however temporary that might have been; the thought of feeling that pain for a whole year and managing to live with it gave Clary a whole new level of appreciation for Alec's strength.

But Alec couldn't move on, and that was why he had come to Clary.

"Can you do the rune?" he asked, his voice hoarse. "Please, Clary."

 _"You need to stop using that rune for Alec whenever he asks,"_ Jace had said when he'd found out. _"He'll never heal from this if he keeps reopening the wound."_ But Jace had never watched the love of his life die, and even though Clary knew she couldn't fully understand how Alec was feeling, she knew he would never fully heal, no matter what she did or didn't do.

"Okay," she replied. She and Alec had never been especially close, but she couldn't refuse him, not when he looked at her with that much raw pain in his eyes. She couldn't fix things, not at all, but she could dull the pain for a minute or two.

Carefully, Clary lowered her stele to the skin of her forearm, drawing the sweeping lines of her rune. As she finished the last one, she heard Alec's breath catch.

She stood before him in form of the person he loved most, and for Alec, it let him see Magnus once again.

Clary didn't move; she'd learned from the past times she'd done this that she couldn't properly mimic Magnus' languid grace. If she tried to do anything, Alec would immediately know she wasn't Magnus, but if she stayed still, he could trick himself a bit longer.

A tear slipped down Alec's cheek. He clenched his jaw, keeping any more tears from falling. "Aku cinta kamu," he whispered. Clary didn't understand the words, but she'd never asked what they meant. It was something between Magnus and Alec, and she had no place in that relationship.

She could see on Alec's face the second the rune faded away. "He loved you," she told him. "He always loved you."

"Thank you," Alec murmured as he turned away, ignoring Clary's words, as she'd expected he would. She reached forward and grabbed his arm before he could get too far. It was so rare that anyone got a chance to really talk to Alec when they weren't out fighting, and she couldn't miss the opportunity if it came. Demon fights were the only times he really spent time with them; he still fought as he always had, protecting Jace and Isabelle, but he cared less for his own life and spoke only the bare minimum of what he had to.

"Alec, we're all here for you," Clary told him, releasing his arm as he looked back at her. "I know it's terrible, and I know we can't really understand, but we'll do whatever we can. We're family."

"I know," Alec replied softly, a sad smile playing at his lips. "That's why I stay."


End file.
